Time

One year ago today I was leaving my first year of college behind.

One year ago today I found out that I got no scholarships or aid from my study abroad program.

One year ago today I thought I would have to last-minute enroll at my local community college because it was too late to find housing or classes at Alabama.

361 days ago I interviewed for the best summer job imaginable and worked a near 70hr week most of the summer.

243 days ago I flew to Europe alone and met up with a friend who had exchanged in high school and stayed at one of my oldest friend’s home.

235 days ago I boarded ‘my’ ship, despite my belief only 127 days prior that there was absolutely no way.

145 days ago, or maybe 146 or 144 (I’m truly not clear), we crossed the international date line earlier than we had been set to. We lived a whole day in a nonexistent time zone and then kept going.  Time is not always set.

133 days ago I left ‘our’ ship with a new outlook on everything in my life.

130 days ago I got ‘home’ although the meaning had significantly changed for me.

67 days ago I went to Ireland with my mom and aunt, on a very lucky whim.

58 days ago I drove through the night with my roommate to get back to a short 22-hour break in Ohio before driving to Florida for spring break.

50 days ago I saw my first SAS friends since disembarkation.

6 days ago I had one of the most challenging days of my entire life, which says quite a bit.

5 days ago I saw one of my closest friends from that semester I didn’t think would happen, on the way home from the hardest semester I’ve had back in Alabama, on the way to a new summer break.

3 days ago my other oldest, best friend and I booked tickets to Bali- a dream we have shared for years.

2 days ago the knee that I injured first 8 years ago twisted out of place again causing the most physical pain I have been in for a long time.

Today I am sick and laying in bed with that injured knee. I also finally bought a new phone that I have needed for about 2 years but had chosen to buy different plane tickets instead.

10 days from now I will board a flight to San Diego, to stay for a month with most of my closest friends from that semester that might have never happened.

91 days from now Brooke and I will be on our way to Indonesia, with day-long layovers in San Francisco, Seoul, and Manila.

Then, who knows?

There are days that suck. Days that make life worth living. Days that are dull- boring even.

But dwelling on the bad days, or the days that we lay in bed and don’t ‘really’ do anything will get us nowhere.

Regretting the times that have passed and not got us closer to a goal is a useless act. Everything brings us to exactly where we might be now.

Reminiscing on the best times is great in moderation but can be harmful in a quantity great enough.

A ‘wasted’ ticket to visit someone or do something is anything but that. It was a gift to who we were in that time.

An injured leg from slipping while having the time of my life after the most stressful 2 weeks of my life, it wasn’t for nothing.

Tickets to spend another collective 46 days travelling and spending time with friends this summer is the best decision I’ve made in the last year, or maybe the last 243 days, or maybe the last 67 or 58 or 3 days.

Time is relative, experiences are relative, they all cross paths in ways we realize later on. Time is messy and cruel and forgiving and linear and nonlinear, all in one. It shapes our lives into what they are meant to become, one day.

Nothing was truly a mistake, nothing is a real waste of time and nothing is too far from reach with the right luck or will.

Make it happen and don’t look back.

Until you need to, that is- to remember the good times and the great ones and the bad and sad and frustrating and amazing and heartbreaking and uplifting and even boring.

Time does wonders if we let it.